Gram is in dialysis right now. She should be finished in about an hour. The dietitian just left and the physical therapist will be here later today. I was sitting here this morning after the dietitian left and the March Madness tournament on as background noise wondering what in the world I was getting myself into. Can I do this? Take care of my Grandmother all by myself? She has mild dementia. She is on a renal a diet, meaning her kidneys only have 20% function, and a diabetic diet as well. I was thinking about cooking home meals more, being home more, sleeping a little less, but at the same time, being able to love on her in person rather than through a weekly phone call.
I have two of the best Grandmothers in the world. As the oldest grandchild on one side of the family and the oldest girl on the other, I have never, not one time in my life felt a lack of love and affection from my family. Still at 34, it's hard to not be spoiled and nurtured by everyone, rather than used or forgotten. My family is amazing!
At my very core, I consider it an honor and privilege to be able to take care of this for my Mom and for my family.
The best part is having this time with her, just me and her. She asked me to crawl into bed with her last night. I was honored to do so.
The next two months will be hard. There will be days she will not be aware of her surroundings or how she got here. The last two days have been evidence of that. She looked at me once last night and asked me for the dozenth time this week where she was and how she got there. Then there are times that we are able to talk about current events for long stretches with ease. It's confusing for me, and also sad for me. I reassured her last night by letting her know that I forget things all the time and it's ok to forget.
Meanwhile, I have an amazing support system in my family. All of my cousins that know of our situation are behind me 100%. That makes me happy. We get along better than any extended family should, and I love it.
She'll be back from dialysis in just a few minutes and I'm wondering if I'll get the Grandma who knows where she is and why or the Grandma that I'll have to explain the circumstances to again. We'll see.
