Life & Death

There is life and death in the tongue, Proverbs 18:21.
The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. James 3:6 Both NIV
I have tongue trouble. I say too much too often about too many things and am making more of an effort to think before i speak. Being aware of it, makes it all the harder actually. I don't want to say anything to anyone out of turn, but have no trouble hiding my disdain for someone. I'm working on praying for them instead of talking about them. Having done this a couple of times has netted me some pretty prophetic pictures and words for these people. I think God is saying "See, this is how you can use your power for good instead of evil." I want so much to pass this test and pray for guidance from the Holy Spirit to not only pass it, but pass it well. I really, really hate it when i mess up but hope beyond hope that i can keep trying. This is the one area that has been a battle for years. I'm trying to get it right this time!

Sure of the Unseen

One year ago, i applied to a discipleship training school called Elevate. I wanted to hear what God had to say about me straight from the source. I was feeling so much like He created me as an after thought, an accident, something to keep Him entertained on rainy days.....ok that part might be a little true. I was feeling like my life in its entirety was a mistake. The literal lowest of the low. The enemy had been playing evil mind games with me for the past 20 years and i just couldn't take it anymore. I decided that i would take whatever God was dishing out and move on from there. 

So for 11 months, i did 8 hours of class, about 20 pages of reading a day, at least one hour of time with Jesus per day, Life Group one night a week and Sunday services every Sunday which should also include one hour of service to the church in some way. Long list, right? Right. It's even longer if you're the absolute farthest you can be from "Type A". But i tell you, i heard from God in so many miraculous ways. 

It's hard to not hear the truth when it is spoken into you three days a week and again on Sunday. Having life spoken into you is something i will share with every. Single. Person that i meet in life. I try to do with cashiers, delivery guys, my doctor (who is a Believer). Watching the face of someone light up when you tell them how important they are to God makes my day. And i am so incredibly amazed that God would use little old me, who thinks ---- correction -- used to think nothing of herself to encourage and spread the true Father Heart of God. 

Throughout the process, i kept wondering what would come next. I had a part time job making very little money and was not really sure what to do next. Do i get a job in my old field? Do i leave Waco or stay? Should i church shop when i'm finished? I had no idea. Since the early spring, however one thing in particular had continued to creep to the forefront of my brain. Antioch Community Church has church plants all over the country. I was very attracted to the most recent plant in Raleigh, North Carolina. God wasn't. So back to my knees. Then, i heard a church leader by the name of Bennett out of Norman, Oklahoma. Their story. Their hearts. They really touched me. Really. I started to think "I could do that. I could move to Norman and be a part of their church community and just live life there. They are doing wonderful things, and well i think that would be kinda neat." So i prayed and prayed and prayed some more. Not wanting to cloud my judgment with my desire to leave Waco, I wanted to be sure......And now, i am.

By October 1, 2011, i will be living in Norman, Oklahoma. It's a huge decision and i'm scared to death but i think that's why it's the right time and i'm hearing the right things. Usually, if i am afraid, the enemy has planted it there. I've started a job search and hope to start a home search soon. I was talking to God about this and asking "God, am i really hearing you in all of this? Is this you or is this me?" I heard Him say "My sheep hear my voice."

I am sure. As sure as i was of Elevate. As sure as i was of Uganda as a mission trip choice. 

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1

I am trusting that this is where God is leading me. I talked to Him about this more than anything i think ever. I'm choosing to believe that even if i am hearing wrong, He will shut the door OR bless it anyway.

We shall see which way we will go!