There is so much life left to live. There are so many things left to accomplish. So many things on my heart that I would like to see happen.... And quite a few that i would have liked to see already.
I feel like my desire to live a better life with Jesus in the middle has trumped anything that i ever thought could be. Sure, there are things that i wish were different or i had made better choices in quite a few areas, but i'm trying really hard to live in the now. To not regret, but to learn and move on. To make sure that the choices i make today are prayed about so that they do not have negative consequences. Not that there won't be problems, but that i will work them out in my heart with the person who lives there; let Him decide for me, or at least guide me to the right decision.
I'm registering for the GRE at the end of the month. Ready or not. I won't do it if i keep expecting to be "ready" for it. And this must be done. I get this sense that this is something so big that if i don't do it, He will not let it die, but hand it to someone else. My test.
God holds me so good. Even in the times when i don't want to study. Don't want to press in to Him for fear of what may come out of it. I see Him, feel Him, know that He's there, and has been the entire time. Crying with me when i was sad. Crying for me when i sinned. Cheering me on when i was running the race with gusto and energy. Loving me all the way. I believe that even now, no matter what happens with the GRE, my life will take a road that only He can chart for me. But He must have big things for me to call me to do something that is so incredibly out of my comfort zone.
Will this happen before i turn 40? I defended my thesis on my 28th birthday..... I guess we will see....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!
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